@IAmMaggieMull: Jamiroquai because Jamirosad.
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@Reverend_Scott: Have you decided on dinner? "Yes, I'll have the chicken, grilled." Very good. *hears waiter yelling at chicken* WHERE WERE YOU LAST TUESDAY
@daplusk: The only time me and a girl orgasmed at the same time,nnShe didn't even know I was in the cupboard.
@ruinedpicnic: [Friend opens Christmas present] Me: It's a lie detector Friend: Oh... I love it Me: (whispering) we'll see
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.