@dumbbeezie: It’s sad how many people out there are not getting the lobotomy surgery they need
@Iwriteforcats: Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring?
Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone.
Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together.
@myonlymizztake: I want negative calorie credit for all the junk food I pass up. Didn't eat that cookie? That's -150 calories.
@FuckabillyRex: *skateboarding at 16
I don't care about girls, I'm skating.
*skateboarding at 43
I should have had more sex when I was 16.
@AnOrangeSNES: Odin is a king, Thor got his gender switched to a woman, Disney owns Marvel. So Thor is....A DISNEY PRINCESS KINDA!
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