@KimmyMonte: Jaws (1975): A shark gets annoyed because a bunch of people break into the ocean
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@Bownuggets: Turtles sniff tails to find mates but when I do it, it's "disturbing" & I "need to leave yoga," or "at least wait til I'm off the treadmill"
@bourgeoisalien: I feel like maybe if God didn't spend all his time helping people win at sports and awards shows he'd have time to fix some shit
@TheTweetOfGod: Ray Rice. Michael Vick. And now Adrian Peterson. Congratulations, NFL. Your woman/children/animal abuse trifecta is officially complete.