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@tastefactory: Jaws (1975): A shark is murdered on his vacation.
@Thaat_guy: I retweeted my boss to let her know that I know she's tweeting during the meeting.
@juneohara65: Somewhere in my brain is a tiny gland that blinds me to unwashed dishes.
@sirmunchie: For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy.
Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?
@the_anastasia: Me: So, you come here often?
Him: .....we're in my house.