@1followernodad: Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away.
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@TheGabbieShow: that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup
@_Tempo11: Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I'm a big perv.
@FatherWithTwins: *co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit "close door" button* *I miss, hit "open door"* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course
@xlpaws: I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants.