@1followernodad: Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away.
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@Nikkeya08: Me: If you take them out of their natural habitat they seek revenge by burning your tounge Sis: M: S: That's a pizza roll. You're high
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences
@jake_likes_naps: "WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES" - Worms
@Abusitron: Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*