@captain_happen: Jay Z and Beyonce had a 4 million dollar dinner with Obama.... Wtf did they eat? Fresh dinosaur?
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@SondraDeeMe: "Just the tip," I whisper seductively to the pizza delivery guy, hoping he fulfills my fantasy of not charging me for the pizza.
@Quartzjixler: I had professional respect for you but then you said "recognizance" when you meant 'reconnaissance.'
@storming01: In a cementary, I saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. Morning, I said. No, he said, just taking a dump... .
@shegotagronk: If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy.