@MarlonBrandNO: Jay-Z has an underachieving brother named Lay.
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@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.
@MariyaAlexander: Potato chips bragging about having less fat - I don't think you understand people who eat you.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [travels back in time to warn 12 year old me about playing video games too much] you become fat and lazy and-whoa Mortal Kombat 2 scoot over
@all_about_today: Immortality sounded great when I was 23, but now that I'm 38 it just sounds exhausting.