@causticbob: Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
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@TheCatWhisprer: [texting] WIFE: need to talk when u get home ME: about what WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home ME: *never goes home*
@ClaytonSykes: I was simply stating that your crying child MIGHT fit comfortably in the overhead compartment, lady. #butseriously
@TheMichaelRock: *puts on shirt* *shirt rips because of my muscles* *gets yelled at for ruining 5yo's shirt*
@david8hughes: [last supper] "Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver." "30." "Sorry Judas?" [sips wine] "I didn't say anything."