@causticbob: Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
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@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He's in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!
@Jake_Vig: Police Officer: "Turn around!" Me: *sings* "Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."
@AimeeHelene1: "It's the holidays" *eats a pizza* "It's the holidays" *eats 3 cheeseburgers* "It's the holidays" *eats my food, your food & a small baby*