@causticbob: Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
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@BuckyIsotope: [stranded on deserted island] *spells out message in rocks* WHAT’S THE WIFI PASSWORD
@Vice_Queen: Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet.
@3sunzzz: Every time my husband wakes me up to tell me I'm snoring we end up having sex. I'm beginning to question whether or not I snore.
@SortaBad: Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks