Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
You Might Also Like
Is that all?
“I wanna stab you.”
Huh?
“Cut your throat.”
What?
“Drink your blood.”
Um.
“Have your baby.”
Uh.
“Kidding! I’ll have a coke.”
i love the concept of an encore. the band leaves the stage and the crowd is like omg wait you haven’t played your three most popular songs yet! and the band is like “beg”
The hand doctor told me that I can no longer cook, clean, or vacuum.
Which would be amazing news if I actually did any of those things.
I decided to ignore idiots, now I just need to find something to do with all this spare time.
[At microphone]
*clears throat*
“Salsa. Ballet. Conga. Waltz. Jitterbug. Tap.”
*crowd cheers*
“Thanks for attending my dance recital.”
When I misplace something and you say “where did you have it last” I feel like you don’t know what misplace means.
My Ex Sarah ghosted me. Some experts call this phenomenon, Sarah-normal activity
Please. Do not push me into the pool. The pockets of my cargo shorts are filled with packets of Kraft Mac & Cheese powder.
(reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight
To myself: ” Try and look like you know what you’re talking about in front of the mechanic. You’re a smart woman, don’t play dumb or you’re gonna get ripped off”
Me at the mechanic: “Car vroom sounds tikatikatika. Tee hee” *hands over credit card
teacher: how long ago did the dinosaurs go extinct?
me: *extreme staind voice* it’s been awhile–
If you arrive home, it’s not a holiday, and your driveway is full of family member’s cars, keep going…….It’s an intervention
My dentist calls himself the “tooth guy” because he’s fun and laid back and unlicensed.
Having a lovely family holiday in Rome thanks to this free city guide
#gardening
Honey, why do these IKEA sofa instructions show a hammer, two allen keys and a divorce lawyer’s office?
I’m vegan now but I’m still gonna eat eight spiders a year on cheat days
I don’t understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.
I just shaved so now my jeans finally fit again
[watching friend input his password on a website]
ME: dude, your password is just 10 asterisks? not very secure
Me: *wandering around ‘Free Speech’ rally* “Hey, when do they give out the peaches?! Anyone?!”
Anyone got any tips on how to conduct an exorcism, but like subtly?
Me: I’ve lost the dictionary
Her: Can you look upstairs?
Me: I can’t look up anything
KIDNAPPER 1: Is he responding to the truth serum?
KIDNAPPER 2: *Walking out of room I was in, clearly emotionally exhausted* He has… just so many Harry Potter theories.
Boomers: People are too sensitive and need to toughen up
Millennials: People need to care more and help each other out
Gen X: Die Hard is a Christmas movie
Making a list of all the people who wrote “Happy Birthday” on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who’s secretly mad at me.
I hate putting down the toilet seat because I’m afraid of hurting it’s feelings
*as girl walks in*
98, 99, *grunts* 100
“Wow, push-ups?”
Uhm, no? Just learning to count.
Me: I need a “personal massager”
Hitachi: No problem, here’s our Magic Wand. Anything else?
Me: You wouldn’t happen to know where I can get a 20-ton industrial crawler excavator would you?
Hitachi: You’re not gonna believe this
just saw a preview of the upcoming commercial for Lady Doritos, yikes