@SocialustGal13: Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Guess they don't like random people coming up to their door.
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@dafloydsta: [girlfriend sleeping over for the first time] HER: This is nice. ME: You need to move to the couch. My dog sleeps on that side.
@carlyken: My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis.
@jonnysun: COP 1: whys there a dead scuba diver in the forest?? COP 2: easy…he was in the water they drop on forest fires WEIRD SERIAL KILLER: no no NO