@SurreySlum: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
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@SkinnieTalls: The best thing about coming from a big family is being able to talk louder than normal people.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: Barbie is mad at Ken. *pushes their faces together* Me: Did they kiss and make up? 5: No. She headbutted him.
@donni: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*
@MichaelTrying: The moral of “The Three Little Pigs” is “make your house with bricks.” Why are we giving four year olds architectural advice?