@SurreySlum: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
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@Aaerios: Dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower is the most violent sound ever. "U OK in there? Sounds like a Michael Bay film in that bathroom!"
@bea_ker: [date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar] I got this surfing [I show her my grotesque balls] I was born like this I think
@FrazzleMyGimp: FRIEND: Jack is sleeping, what should we do to him? TYLER: Shaving cream. MARK: Shaving cream. ME: Pay off his student loans. [they all look at me] ME: I mean shave him.
@jnapsalot: I don’t understand why an ear infection exam requires me to get undressed. I’d find a new veterinarian but my dog really likes this dr.