@TheRealMelskee: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, I'm guessing it's because they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
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@MickSnark: Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
@bridger_w: If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, "I thought this was FAST food." The place will never recover from that mega burn
@clemdytan: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.