@ChipKellysBalls: Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies ...
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@rockymomax: [band practice] ME: I want a solo GUITARIST: you play the tambourine ME: yeah but *shaking tambourine really fast* check this shit out
@NateKofiStruck: The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some weed. I told her I'm not into high maintenance women.