@davedittell: Jesus hands his iPhone to da Vinci, "hey can you get one of me and my best buds? thanks man! HEY EVERYONE GET ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE TABLE"
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *walks up behind me when I'm on the computer* What game are you playing? Me: Pay the bills. 5: Are you winning? Me: No.
@AGStr8upNinja: Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee's you're buying it off of sure can.
@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.