@davedittell: Jesus hands his iPhone to da Vinci, "hey can you get one of me and my best buds? thanks man! HEY EVERYONE GET ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE TABLE"
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@ihateitmunky: Me: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up like get off the ride
@XplodingUnicorn: *quits Twitter to spend time with family* *remembers what family is like* *quits family for Twitter*