@VerifiedDrunk: Jesus is all like eat my body, drink my blood and I'm all like dude, I only like you as a friend.
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@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
@Joydas: Half of Americans must be thinking Gaza Strip is the name of some Strip Club which Israel wants