@VerifiedDrunk: Jesus is all like eat my body, drink my blood and I'm all like dude, I only like you as a friend.
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@underchilde: I haven’t smoked in years, but I still carry a lighter around in case I’m ever in the mood to set someone on fire.
@juliussharpe: People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
@Sarcasticsapien: It's like the TSA doesn't even care relationships end cause we can't run through the airport and stop someone from getting on a plane.