@NikiWithIssues: So apparently not every chubby guy with a mustache is named Mario. My bad, dad.

@PuckingItUp: I'm just grateful that I don't have to draw on my eyebrows everyday because I would totally forget to do that.

@amhw: Coffee: Because when you're groggy and barely coherent, the first thing you should do is handle a scalding hot cup of liquid.

@DaddyJew: Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit

@Muath_tu: I believe in "you're stupid" at first sight.