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@MCaparco: Jesus??? Nah, Vishnu is my copilot...he's got like 4 arms.
@LaziestCanine: I told my crush I liked them through a Spotify playlist
@TheMichaelRock: I bet all this shit started because someone told Trump he couldn't be president and Trump said "hold my beer, watch this"
@YouHadOneJ0B: Finnish flag.
@DannyZuker: Just getting romantic with the wife when our slow cooker set off our smoke alarm so yes, I was crock blocked.
@KayRants: Ignoring your text is easy. It's having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I'm not home when you drive by that's awkward.