@MCaparco: Jesus??? Nah, Vishnu is my copilot...he's got like 4 arms.
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@The_Grant_Boldt: Girlfriend: "babe it's hot I need a fan" [Boyfriend starts taking pictures with her and BEGGING for autographs]
@gogglepossum: [1st date] Me: don't let him know you're a lobster Him: we should check out my hot-tub later Me: 'yeah...sure' *nervously clicks claws*
@Playing_Dad: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
@Mikecanrant: Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.