@curlycomedy: Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@flashember: SON: Is it true trees kill more people than wild animals do? [tree hiding in broom closet tenses up] DAD: Nonsense. [tree sighs in relief]
@IamEnidColeslaw: HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.
@MollyRingwraith: I'm just like King Midas except everything I touch complains to human resources
@TheRobCee: [stewardess] "Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time"