@curlycomedy: Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am.
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@peachgrenade: In the 1800s women were sometimes forced to wear an "A" on their clothing, signifying that they were Alvin from the Chipmunks.
@Marlebean: "I should probably start filling this thing out." -I say about my son's baby memory book on his wedding day.
@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, "Sounds like somebody needed a friend"