@sgtblueeyes: Jesus walks on water and everyone is impressed. I walk on water and I'm seriously concerned about this ice breaking...
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@shutupmikeginn: There was a pretty girl in the produce section so to impress her I bought a mango
@darkmatter_wimp: Sure, I can teach you about fractions, kid. Just remember this: There is a very fine line between the numerator and the denominator.
@AndyAsAdjective: I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison.
@littleshark87: "Auntie,how big can frogs be?" "Depends how many cars roll over it" I should do Kids TV shows.