@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was white and spoke English and enjoyed baseball and apple pie and was a churchgoing Christian.
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@1Happytwit: I've been looking for the lid for this Tupperware container and somehow I'm now three weeks late for work.
@huntigula: Me: If Obi-Wan's clothes remained after Vader killed him, then why wasn't ghost Obi-Wan naked? My date: [to waiter] Check, please.
@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this