@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was white and spoke English and enjoyed baseball and apple pie and was a churchgoing Christian.
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@moose_chocolate: This morning I waved to the garbage men and smiled at coworkers in the elevator and now I'm pretty sure my wife is drugging my coffee.
@bridger_w: The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
@mattytalks: (Hot babe to me) your brooding drives me wild, what's going on inside your head (Me, thinking about a panini) I don't want to talk about it
@jwoodham: People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie.