@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was white and spoke English and enjoyed baseball and apple pie and was a churchgoing Christian.
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@_little_old_me: I was just giving my son a mini-lecture on the phone & he did the whole "Oh, you're breaking up, I can't hear you" thing. I hope his new foster family is nice.
@BadassBarbie11: If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
@WheelTod: Today I finally told my kids that St Patrick isn't real, and it's been me putting the snakes under their pillows all these years.