@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was white and spoke English and enjoyed baseball and apple pie and was a churchgoing Christian.
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@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody's mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot.
@McInappropriate: NEW DRINKING GAME: 1) Put on the new Twilight movie 2) When you press play, take 59 shots of vodka so you can die before it starts.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@ericsshadow: [me telling a joke] guy wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand.