@NoorShamma: Jewelry make the perfect gifts because if things don't work out, she can throw them away and make you suffer. Take Titanic for example.
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@HeyZeus666: Typical coworkers. They complain about management, but when it’s time to dispose of the boss’s body, they all pretend to be working.
@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse
@AllyBallyBeal: Getting a text message from your ex is like getting a message from Satan on an Ouija board.
@bencoffeehall: I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR.