@peteec: Jim Lehrer is moderating this debate with the skill of an NFL replacement referee.
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@Ms612: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?
@theshamingofjay: The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job
@WheelTod: [Date] Him: I don't trust myself around you Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom