@scott2ten: Co-worker: Face up or face down? Me: Um. What? Cw: The fax machine? Documents face up or down? Me: I'm not mature enough to answer that.

@Schmoodles: If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry.

@ninjadinosaur1: I dunno Discovery Channel, if you think crabs are the deadliest thing you can catch, you've obviously never slept with my sister Ashley.

@LurkAtHomeMom: Thinking of having kids? Practice getting small children ready to play in the snow by wrestling a pair of gloves onto an angry octopus.

@MomOfTeen: For Mother's Day, I told my teens, I'm going to reenact every detail of each of your births.