@jonnysun: job interview tip: show up wearig the exact same thing as ur interveiwer, whispre "dress for the job u want, right?" then just stare at them
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@JediGigi: He said I won his heart and I was all "Ugh can I just win like $20? How about a sweater from Sears? A pencil? I could really use a pencil."
@famouscrab: you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
@ClassicMegan: If you don't open your mouth when you yawn, you're a monster. I'm serious. Let that demon go. You're freaking everybody out.
@DaddyJew: 7: I didn't do my homework Me: why not? 7: they told us to write about the new president Me: so? 7: you told me not to cuss