@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
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@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.
@joejwest: WRITER: A drifter & a rich lady fall in love WALT DISNEY: Can they be dogs? WR: A woman steals a couple's baby WD: Can the baby be 101 dogs?
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You put the wrong date on this. Me: Oh, yeah. The year change always messes me up. Wife: You wrote 1992.