@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
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@Taryn_: That awkward moment when someone is cooking fish in the office and all the girls begin sniffing themselves.
@rachelle_mandik: let us all return to a simpler time, such as when i believed astroturf was farmed in space and brought to earth
@RealPrincessKim: Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, "You must be heartbroken. I can't believe Justin Bieber died so young!"
@MonSwanson: I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend "because I'm such a pretty girl". I'm a psycho, grandma.