@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
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@NatasshaStash: A nice way to tell someone their breath stinks, "well I'm bored,let's go brush our teeth" in mid convo
@BlaineKy: I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. Because I have no idea where sandwiches live...
@PaperWash: [death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man