@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
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@Storminika: I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way
@KeetPotato: advice: describing someone's cupcakes as being "better than sex" is only a compliment if you aren't sleeping with them
@SaraMansford: Dear karma: perhaps we could be partners? You're doing great work, but I've identified a bunch of people you've overlooked.