@jwoodham: JOB REQUIREMENTS: Must have a college degree. Must have 5 years experience. Must have volunteered as tribute and won the 74th Hunger Games.
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@nigelgodwin: My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
@cloudypianos: what if all your eggs hatched and when u opened the fridge a dozen baby chicks were staring up at u like u were their mom
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.