@jwoodham: JOB REQUIREMENTS: Must have a college degree. Must have 5 years experience. Must have volunteered as tribute and won the 74th Hunger Games.
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@AndyRichter: Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone
@YoungNobler: Sticking a $5 bill into a vending machine turns it into my grandmother, dispensing stale snacks and rare dollar coins.
@goldengateblond: "We had unprotected sex. Give us a present." -- the subtext of every baby shower