@Bipartisanism: "Joe Biden and I are so close, some places in Indiana refuse to serve us pizza." - President Obama
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@Underchilde: If you could go back in time, would you kill Hitler or just watch movies that aren’t about superheroes?
@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@shutupmikeginn: Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall