@Bipartisanism: "Joe Biden and I are so close, some places in Indiana refuse to serve us pizza." - President Obama
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@necrosocks: [Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: "What the-"
@aplethoras: me: why do i feel terrible brain: coffee is not a food group brain: eat a vegetable brain: sleep me: guess we'll never know brain: oh my god
@sofarrsogud: DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.