@boring_as_heck: Joe was really good at making movie trailers. There was just one problem *car honk* he didn't have access to the record scratch sound effect
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@junejuly12: Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend. Perfectly regulated office temperatures are a girl's best friend.
@OurMarketingGuy: Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
@MotherJonestown: STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows.
@1Happytwit: Cats don't come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can't put them in the washing machine.