@Ameiam: Jogging has never helped my memory.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying* ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.
@AimeeHelene1: Oh good, a gift card to Arby's. *waits for their birthday* Them: Thanks Aimee for the... *opens box* (cat hair pasted to paper & framed)
@UberFacts: A survey found one in five women have ended a relationship because their significant other was too busy playing video games.