@Piecezilla: [Jogs to a halt in front of you minutes after a fire truck passes]That guy's (panting) never gonna sell any fire (panting) driving that fast
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@TheBoydP: Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a zombie army. The proper name is the Marine Corpse.
@ehdannyboy: I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat.
@SarahMJade: When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena .
@ddsmidt: Caught the neighbor kid teasing my dog, so his mom told me to yell at him any time I like. I had a bad day, I'm gonna go see if he's home.