@gilozeri: johnny depp looks like the person who does hair and make up for johnny depp
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@anthonyzach: Neighbours described the United Kingdom as a "quiet, well-mannered country" that "kept itself to itself".
@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
@KindOfASmartass: Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10. Her: Do you want more kids? Me: Hahahahahahahaha Her: Is that a no? Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha
@heyevergreen: [showing colleague a pic on phone] "NO! Don't scroll left!" My face falls as he sees my erotic photo collection of donuts on plates.