@gilozeri: johnny depp looks like the person who does hair and make up for johnny depp
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@iwearaonesie: "Hello from the outsiiiiide. I must have called a thousand tiiiiimes" - me, drunk, leaving my wife another voicemail because I'm locked out
@mikeleffingwell: STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
@XplodingUnicorn: Reasons Pluto is so cold: 3) It's far from the sun 2) Its atmosphere is too thin to trap heat. 1) It found out we said it's not a planet.
@fro_vo: God: where's your horn Unicorn: i sold it for drugs God: throw this fucken horse in jail --the invention of zebras