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@OctopusCavemann: Me: Thanks so much for the edible arrangement GF: I sent you a dozen roses Me: oh GF: There’s a lot of blood coming out of your mouth
@Ohgoddessitsme: My fathers wife bought a "Christian cookbook" I didn't even know they had different recipes, I've been eating sin all along.
@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
@Sorrowscopes: Virgo: Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you. Good luck on your next hike.