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@ihateitmunky: a professional thief tries to steal my wallet but i'm wearing skinny jeans so his hand just gets stuck in my pocket
@WendyLiebman: For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that's one of his fantasies: That we have health care.
@ItsAndyRyan: First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos