@Scarfolk: Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
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@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.
@dumbbeezie: The best part of being a bear would be waking up from hibernation and immediately killing something
@YoungNobler: I'm still disappointed that Penguin and Random House merged to become Penguin Random House and not the more hilarious Random Penguin House.
@hannalee_slc: I just googled "jokes to tell right before you die" and if that doesn't tell you what kind of person I am, I don't know what does.