@PAT_E_ROCK: Joined Match.com... And all I got was a lit cigarette
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@MarfSalvador: Park Ranger: *Looking at morbidly obese ducks* Was this you? Jesus: *trying to hide the rapidly multiplying bread loaves* No sir
@realHamOnWry: I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window.
@robrouse: Bin Laden's neighbours interviewed "we had no idea...he just kept himself to himself really..."