@PAT_E_ROCK: Joined Match.com... And all I got was a lit cigarette
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@shkeeber: My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.
@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"
@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.
@T_Bonezzz: CREATION OF MAN God: And as they age, they shall lose all the hair on their heads and grow more in their ears & noses Angel: Yes, my Liege