@daemonic3: Joined our neighborhood watch program. There's 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. :(
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@trojansauce: [aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh... no, im good, actually
@RockabillyJay: If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
@dreamthievin: Too bad the Kardashian show couldn't be like "The Ring" and kill anyone who watches it.
@KalvinMacleod: DOG BOSS: ur fired ME: wait, is there any way you'll reconsider? DOG BOSS: no ME: u want to go for a ride in the car DOG BOSS: *tilts head*