@daemonic3: Joined our neighborhood watch program. There's 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. :(
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@AmnesiaRose: I wish I had the confidence to just randomly sit on people and start bathing myself like my cat does.
@Sarcasticsapien: I hate the phrase "let me clarify" because it means someone is about to talk some more.
@ieatanddrink: Just heard that distinct "baby fell out of the crib and into a pizza that was on the floor" sound
@gwatts77: If I donate blood and you're in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don't blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.