@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented
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@GaryJanetti: College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.
@robdelaney: “Sorry I didn’t reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off… Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!”
@AmishPornStar1: "Sure Chief, you can join us for dinner this year. But in the future, you're gonna need reservations." -Pilgrims, at the first Thanksgiving
@weedguy420boner: one time I saw a guy playing with a yoyo walk into a street sign. I laughed so hard that it changed me. It changed everything.