@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented
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@iwearaonesie: wife [text] I'm so proud of you for sticking to your diet me [can't respond because there's powdered donut on my fingers]
@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?
@PJTLynch: Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves
@ryaninco: There's three cop cars in the parking lot of my gym. This might be my last Tweet for a little while.