@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented
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@noogscorner: Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
@Book_Krazy: [Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes
@realHamOnWry: What did I learn getting fired today? Never walk behind your boss, poke his bald spot and yell, "Hey, you've got a hole in your haircut".
@dril: let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,