@omgthatspunny: Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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@dlockw21: Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two.
@dihorla: I'm dreaming of getting rich like my father. Wow your dad must be a rich man. No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.
@ArfMeasures: ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories
@patsajak: Told my dog I was feeding him only natural, holistic food. Not sure he could hear me over slurping of water from toilet.