@omgthatspunny: Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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@krisv_723: The only thing between me & a killing spree is the fact that I'd have to poop in front of people in prison.
@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.
@TheBigBatman: Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
@DWaitress: You're right, sir. It's MY fault that your credit card was declined. Please, tell me again how much money you have in that account.