@anylaurie16: jokes don't kill people, people who don't get jokes kill people.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Not to brag, but all 6 of my previous therapists are having successful careers in different fields now
@tchrquotes: I always take a different store's tote bags when I go grocery shopping so they don't get the idea we're exclusive or anything.
@dragonsorbet: [Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst