@anylaurie16: jokes don't kill people, people who don't get jokes kill people.
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@kristikat7: If I was Snow White you'd never be able to kill me with an apple...you'd have to poison an eclair or something...
@daplusk: I want to meet someone who enjoys long walks along the beach, so I have enough time to sit at home alone and tweet
@Home_Halfway: Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs
@daemonic3: Based on my family's hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I'm never in a coma.