@anylaurie16: jokes don't kill people, people who don't get jokes kill people.
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@Vodkantots: "How much for the supermodel?" *winks seductively "Ma'am, that's a mirror and you appear to be having a stroke."
@bea_ker: "Did you guys see me get so mad I flipped a table?" Yes Tony, we saw it. You're 46. You have to stop taking your skateboard to restaurants.
@GensPlace: Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'.