@anylaurie16: jokes don't kill people, people who don't get jokes kill people.
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@Sickayduh: [NBA Postgame] *LeBron wearing his fake glasses* "Questions? Yes, Lois Lane from Daily Planet" "Yeah hi. I'll wait til LeBron comes out"
@Try2StopME: Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience.
@decentbirthday: Friend: check out my conscience shell Me: you mean conch? *holds up to ear* Shell: you saw those kids get in that van and you did nothing
@sara_ashlynn: My daughter said, "You're the best mommy ever!" I'm really proud that she's learning sarcasm at such a young age.