@Dawn_M_: Joke's on my neighbour, I actually like being kept locked in his shed.
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@Parkerlawyer: Client said she needs to "find her zen" during our mediation and I don't think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
@ChaseMit: I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are.
@stealingyergirl: [first day as a psychic] Boss: You're fired. Me: Man, I did not see that coming. Boss: And now you know why.