@DrakeJoshQuotez: Josh: [after he spills root beer on the TV and ruins it] I drink root beer. You don't see me explodin'!
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@pleatedjeans: me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?
@blaudiablogan: It is truly easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your facebook page.
@HatfieldAnne: When you offer me cookies, act surprised when I take one. Declare loudly you’ve never seen me eat dessert before.
@longwall26: The Lord alone--not science--will determine how many chickens can fit inside my motorcycle sidecar.