@TheTweetOfGod: Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions.
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@momopface: WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You're an adult" every few minutes.
@simoncholland: Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
@BackrowSeats: If you come across a stranger in a dark alley immediately hug him so he knows you're not a threat.