@TheTweetOfGod: Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions.
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@Midgetspar: I'm glad that when you shoot, you shoot to kill ... because shooting to merely wound seems kinda mean.
@vineyille: Sir this bag is too heavy, you’ll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*
@steveolivas: If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?