@J_Mainwaring69: *Judge raises hammer* "I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE" -*defendant chuckles* "I'm already alive you MORON!"
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@NoogsCorner: Me: We spend a lot of time together. Her: Turn left. Me: Just think we should take this to the next level. Her: Arriving at destination.
@beliz69: Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, "Yes, honey I do."
@Glove_Monkey: Someone once told me "If you love something, set it free". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement.
@abbycohenwl: [cat hospital] Cat Nurse: Let's get you prepped for surgery. *licks patient all over*