@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.

@seandunn76: This total stranger wanted to have a spontaneous tickle fight on the street and...oh...nope, never mind I'm being robbed. Guys I'm being rob

@juicymorsel: I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.

@pixelatedboat: You can't trust the mainstream media, that's why I get all my news from the giant in my dreams

@joeljeffrey: I skipped leg day at the gym, but don't worry I balanced it out by skipping arm day, chest day, ab day, and back day so I'm good to go.