@ClaytonSykes: Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?
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@rickolantern: Imagine how expensive the iPhone would be if they called themselves Organic Apple.
@loribuckmajor: After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I'm like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle.
@TheMichaelRock: Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn't have to? [flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors] Me: Yeah, I'm sweet like that.