@TashyP_: Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it's probably just as well real lightsabers aren't available yet.
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@thegingercorn: 9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Gonna teach a bunch of old white guys the word "bae" so teens stop thinking it's cool and it goes away forever.
@causticbob: BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.
@ArfMeasures: [park] STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking ME: Yeah, he's interbred DUCK: [waddles up] I'll tell you who else is into bread