@TashyP_: Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it's probably just as well real lightsabers aren't available yet.
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@laurenreeves: My friend showed me her new vegan pants. I know vegans can be annoying and everything, but should we really be making pants out of them?
@tastefactory: My cousin was Mulder on Halloween. He loves the X-Files! Oh stupid autocorrect. That should have said "murdered". And "loved", past tense.
@SaraMansford: Never date a chemist, they seduce you with their magnetism, only call you periodically, then one day: Boom! They Argon.
@_Tempo11: Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: "I'm so sorry"