@JasonLastname: Judging by their knives, the Swiss Army is mostly bartenders.
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@tastefactory: *slides into home plate and crowd goes wild* Hey everybody, be quiet for a minute! *pulls out phone, dials number* Hi mom, I got home safe.
@SarcasticAlly12: People say "life's a journey, not a destination," because the destination is death. The journey sucks too. Anyway, to the bride and groom!
@AndyAsAdjective: She looks at me with those come hither eyes & I'm over here frantically flipping thru a dictionary trying to figure out what "hither" means.