@JasonLastname: Judging by their knives, the Swiss Army is mostly bartenders.
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@QueefTornado: Wife was feeling kinky last night so she got naked and I tied her to the headboard, then me and my buddy ordered pizza and played X-Box.
@Epygma: Im still waiting for a movie in which someone says "buy me some time" and the guy goes and buys him a clock
@garrydavenport: "We've been doing this for years, I simply can't be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?" - people who named the fly.