@DaddyJew: Judging by this line at Costco it doesn't look like I'll ever see my family again.
@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist]
"He was literally kermit the frog"
@ruinedpicnic: me: wow a pegasus
flying horse: actually Pegasus was just one horse we all have different names
me: oh whats yours
flying horse: Pegasus 2
@Parentpains: If you ever hear me say that I missed you it's only because I have bad aim.
@BonaFideIntent: Watching a Kristin Stewart movie. She's being CHASED by ppl who want her DEAD. The CHEESE STICK I'm holding has a more frightened expression
@crylenol: VAN GOGH: Go on, open it. You'll like it. Much better than last year.
GIRL: It isn't another ear is it, Vince?
VAN GOGH: what