@taitutu: Judging by your selfie, I can't help wonder why your mother didn't try & sell you to a circus when you were younger.
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@GingerHotDish: *waves arm in the direction of the lake* One day, all this will be yours. 12: Are you threatening to drown me? Me: Just make your bed, k?
@XplodingUnicorn: [watching "Cinderella"] 5-year-old: Why does she keep cleaning the floors? Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.
@edgarrants: My wife used to make meals that would make Martha Stewart jealous. Then she joined Twitter... Now I'm lucky if she buys cereal.