@MableGertrude: Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks.
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@AristotlesNZ: Hey! I took my diaper off, see? Oh! Look! I found your power drill! Gonna go see if it fits an outlet.. Bye! -My 2yo when I'm on the toilet
@bridger_w: FYI, you don't have to be a waiter in order to go in a restaurant and wander from table to table asking people, "How's everything tasting"
@PJTLynch: [At bar] Me: As a joke, I’m gonna pee my pants Wife: Seriously? You’re a married man now M: Right...sorry. I’m gonna pee “our” pants #BT140