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@leshnevsky: - Judy, you have such a great taste!
- Steve, stop biting me!
@gorrdano: When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up.
@iwearaonesie: [last night]
*can't remember if I fed the dog*
*ends up feeding her 5 times*
dog *hands me a beer*
@SamuelHLowe: I wonder what my dog named me.
@aka_fatman: I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.
@ElleOhHell: *discovering flying dinosaur*
PALEONTOLOGIST: We'll call it pterodactyl, for "wing fingers"
ME: *crumples up note that says skynosaur*